Republicans, Democrats & the Drowning Man

In a screenwriting class, I was asked about my politics.  I said, “I’m with Woody Allen whose character says (in Sleeper), ‘I don’t believe in political solutions.’”  One writer threw her hands in the air: “How crazy is that!“ Well, it’s time I came out of the closet and explained.

Imagine a drowning man 50 feet off shore. 

A Republican will stride along the shore and say, “He got himself into this situation; let him get himself out and learn to swim.  It will be good for his character.”

A Democrat will tax you and me, buy 100 feet of rope, throw it to the man, and let go of his or her end.

Either way, the man drowns. 

In my crazy and perhaps flawed philosophy, I like the idea of a person (or group of individuals) who spots the drowning man and swims out and saves him…and then teaches him how to swim.  As important as “political solutions” may be, I guess I believe in individual change more than political change. That way, the drowning man keeps living. 

Image from reclaimingthemind.org

What do you want for your child?

The only time I remember talking back to an adult as a teenager was while coaching a Little League baseball team. A parent twice as big as me, Mr. Gooch, was riding the umpire, the boys, and me.  I finally marched to the backstop behind the catcher—stopping the game—and yelled at the man, “Hey you! You wanna coach this team?  Come over right now and take this cap.”  I held out my manager's cap and pointed to the dugout.  “Come over right now and take over. You’re the new coach!”  He sat down and became silent, swearing and profaning under his breath.

His son was under such pressure to perform that he would tremble at games and make stupid mistakes. My golly, can’t we let the boys have some fun?  I used to think this was a male thing (Little League dads and soccer dads) until my daughter entered dance and I met the dance mothers. 

What are we teaching our children?

Here’s a tip I gleaned from author Dennis Prager: ask your children what they think you most want them to be—happy, good, successful, or smart (1). I want my children to choose “good.” Sometimes doing what is right does not lead to immediately happiness, such as choosing not to cheat and suffering the “D” grade. Mr Gooch stressed “successful.” He would try to bully the empire into making a wrong call so his son could have a successful experience.

I’ve conducted the Prager survey with many children.  Most think their parents want them to be happy or smart. If a parent stresses “being smart” over goodness, then cheating becomes okay, even a strategy. How many parents willingly intimidate teachers into giving grades their child did not earn so that their child can have the appearance of being smart and successful, or “get ahead”?  What does that teach the child?

A friend recently told me that a child had been caught stealing from his school several times and was taken to the principal’s office. Each time, the parents threatened to sue the school for singling out their child and creating “undue stress.”  What does that teach the child? 

In many cases, we rescue our children from consequences that, if suffered, might help them build character and better prepare them for the real world later. Today, every child gets a trophy, whether they earned it or not. One long-time educator told me, “We don’t have resilient kids because we don’t allow them to fail.” Are we raising facades or good, moral human beings prepared for the difficulties of life? As Neil Maxwell pointed out, “it’s easier to be a character than to have character” (2). Is character really that important?

I’m betting it is, which is why my wife and I do our darndest to stick to agreements we make with our children and allow them the opportunity to experience painful consequences, which are much less consequential now than the harsher consequences of life will be when they are adults. 

What would you do?

Jim Fay, parenting expert, tells the story of a boy who missed six days of school in one term. Three were excused because the boy had forged his mother’s signature. When his mother confronted him, the boy confessed and said, “You can’t tell anyone, Mom, because if I miss five days, I’ll lose my grade, and I’m an honor student. And you want me to be an honor student” (3). 

What would you do? 

Let’s ask ourselves this question: What do I want most for my children—be good (build moral character), be happy, be smart, or be successful?  We want all four—that’s a given—but which is most important to you? And then, we muster up our courage and ask this one: What am I teaching my children through my own actions and words?  Good luck and keep living!

P.S. Here's a picture of my son's Halloween costume which he described as "A soccer referee after dealing with parents and coaches at a little kids' soccer match."

References:

 (1) http://www.jewishjournal.com/dennis_prager/article/everything_is_easier_than_doing_good

(2) https://www.lds.org/ensign/2000/08/insights-from-my-life?lang=eng

(3) Developing Character in Teens - https://www.loveandlogic.com/

Battling bullies

Dad Picks her up from School and Finds Out She's Been Bullied. Watch What He Does!

This particular girl has faced her fair share of bullying and her Dad was naturally not happy about it when he found out. So he came up with a very unique solution: click here.  

What the Blood Moon Really Means

My daughter was the first in the family to spot the moon rise above the mountains and seemingly drip blood over the tops and down the sides like a giant sundae with a cherry on top.  

The neighborhood children celebrated in a mad frenzy with grotesque expressions on their faces, running about with no apparent purpose. “How strange and clearly portentous,” thought I. It made me wonder what the deep theological meaning of this Blood Moon could possibly be.

Later, while pondering the ominous sight, I fell into a trance and I heard a voice say, “The Cubs win only once in a Blood Moon.” Then a vision was opened to my view, and I saw the Chicago Cubs win the World Series! After all, their logo looks like a Blood Moon with a blue circle around it! I awoke with a sob in my throat. “If the Cubs become a Wild Card and win the Series,” I conjectured, “the end of the world cannot be far behind.”  

Even so, just in case the world doesn’t end, you can take it from me—put your money on the Cubs. Oh, and put a few things aside for an emergency, such as a partial end of the world, and keep living! 

Tips for the Tricky Teacher

It’s “Back to School” time, and soon you will be getting clever excuses from some of your students.  Whether you are a teacher, parent, or manager, the following principles apply.

Handling excuses

It used to be “my dog ate the homework”; now it’s “my computer ate the homework” (a hard drive crash) or “my printer’s not working.” One excuse has not changed over the years, and that’s the famous “I forgot.” 

Courtesy www.i-am-bored.com

As a college instructor with three decades of experience, my empathetic response is generally, “That’s sad. You can still get the homework in with a late penalty.” And then I might ask, “What can you learn from this experience so that it doesn’t happen again?”  After the student says “I don’t know,” I might make some suggestions such as backing up files or, in the case of a broken printer, downloading your homework to a thumb drive and printing it somewhere else. If you can get a student to say this himself or herself, it will be much more powerful.

“But I had an opportunity to go to a One Direction concert last night.”  Your tricky response to that could be “I understand completely, and you can still get your assignment in with a late penalty.”  It doesn’t matter what the student says next; your response is this:  “I guess you had to make a choice. If I were you, I would have chosen the One Direction concert, too. I understand. Of course, our choices in life bring consequences.”  And then the follow-up: “What can you learn from this experience?”  After the student says “I don’t know,” you can point out that waiting to the last moment to do an assignment is risky, but that’s a choice, too.

My favorite excuse while teaching college was “my grandmother died.”  After checking with other instructors, I discovered that this woman’s grandmother had died five times over the past few years.  She just used the excuse over and over with different teachers and at different times.  I sat down with the student and asked her for the secret of life. She looked puzzled. “How do you get your grandmother to come back to life every class?  How many times has she died now?”  We had a good laugh, but she still faced the unexcused absence and the late homework penalty.

The great secret of education

We teachers teach students, not subjects, and that includes helping students understand certain things about life. The most important, from an educational standpoint is this:  You are responsible for you.  You are in charge of your life and your education.  My responsibility is to teach; your responsibility is to learn.

I often hear, “You gave me a bad grade.”  My response: “I don’t give grades.  You earn them.”  A person grows by accepting responsibility for their life without blaming others and circumstances.  If my own child gets a “crummy teacher,” my response is, “Good. You’ll have a crummy boss someday and this will teach you how to deal with that. 

One of my favorite questions came from a very capable young man, “What’s the minimum I have to do to get an A?”  Did he just say “minimum”?  Well, you earn an A by providing superior work, not by doing the minimum.  That’s an erroneous perception. 

I’ve seen students put great effort into trying to do as little as possible, creating excuses, and getting out of stuff (such as the dead grandma story).  I often congratulate them on their creativity, but also reason with them: “Well, you can always just do the work and learn something.”

Whether you are a teacher, parent, or manager, it’s important to think through your pre-emptive strike; that is, provide a clear explanation of expectations beforehand. Good luck in the new school year!

Keep teaching, keep learning, and keep living.