Monday, September 15, 2014

Get Hip with the New Hip

Don’t be left behind!  The New Hip is in!  Now you can be part of a growing grassroots movement.

I used to be so un-hip; it was embarrassing.  But recently, I realized that things have changed and I was riding the crest of the New Hip.  No longer do I hide my face at parties or take out the garbage with a mask on.  Here’s what went down. 

As a screenwriter, I have had difficulty the last several years finding time to write because my script consulting business has kind of taken over.  But I just finished my most recent screenplay, so I called a producer friend of mine. What follows is an unofficial transcript of the conversation.

“Got a new script, Dawg. Totally counter cultural.”

“Sounds great!”

“Yeah,” I said, “There’s no sex, no profanity, no F-bombs, and no violence, although the possibility of violence is implied.”

“Say what?”

“Even better, it doesn’t have an edge.”

“It’s gotta have an edge.”

“Nope.  It’s probably a G, maybe PG.  I wanted to see if I could write something family friendly with just one set that still had a rising conflict leading to a big showdown that didn’t involve explosions and car chases.”

“That’s not counter cultural!  You’re full of sh—“

“—Uh-uh-uh,” I scolded.  “You don’t need to swear anymore because it’s old fashioned.” And that’s when the epiphany came.  I felt like one of the Beach Boys: I had caught a wave and was sitting on top of the world.

My producer friend countered: “Now wait a minute. You’re trying to tell me your script is hip without an edge.  That’s not counter-cultural.”
"I am a warrior of the New Hip!"

“But it is counter cultural.  What’s the culture today?  Think about it.  Rude and crude, anything goes.  If there is one thing that runs counter to today’s culture, it’s my little script. I am a rebel, bucking the system, a hipster of epic hiposity, a voice crying in the wilderness, a warrior of the New Hip, a—”

“—You’re an idiot.  And your script won’t sell.”

“Doesn’t matter.  I had a ton of fun writing it.  Besides, it can’t cost more than twenty-K to shoot with just one set; maybe some indie dude will want to produce something with moral values.”

“Moral values!  Moral values!” And he was about to profane, but found the best substitute words he could think of, bless his heart: “Holy Barfaroni, don’t tell me you’re talking about traditional moral values.”

“They’re coming back, Dawg.  At least the good ones are. In fact, good is good again.”

My friend laughed out loud.  “Good is bad box office, Dave, so don’t send me the script.  But I gotta admit…it was entertaining learning I’m old fashioned and un-hip. Wait ‘til my publicist hears this.”

“Great talking at ya, bro.  Peace, love, and keep living!”