Monday, February 29, 2016

Uncle Dave for President

Today, I announce my candidacy for President of the United States, and the formation of the SODA (Screenwriters and Other Disadvantaged Americans) Party!

Join the SODA Party
If elected, I will represent all screenwriters and Americans who can’t get their scripts read or otherwise can’t make all of their dreams come true.  It’s not well known that screenwriters suffer more than the average American and should preside over the Victim Class of our nation

My competitors:
Like many Americans, I am dissatisfied with our current slate of candidates. They look like characters from a movie comedy. Wouldn’t you agree?

Donald Trump – If he’s elected, numerous countries may not allow him to cross their borders.  If Mexico does build a fence (as he said Mexico would), it will be to keep him out.  Besides, my hairdo looks better than his, don’t you think? 

Ted Cruz –  He should run for Prime Minister of Canada. 

Hilary Clinton – If she’s elected, her husband Bill Clinton will be the First Lady, further confusing the gender issue. Also, she may have connections with Hell, since women who don’t vote for her will (allegedly) go there.

Crazy Uncle Bernie – the USSR candidate – if he’s elected, we’ll become a socialist state, which may not matter since we are practically there already.  Instead, elect Crazy Uncle Dave (me).

Marco Rubio – I’m trying to get him to switch parties and be my running mate because I know just what to make him say. Stay tuned for an announcement from him.
Stumping in rural Indiana

Drink to SODA
Our SODA Party Song will be “Don’t worry, be happy” and our SODA Party drink will be soda, naturally, or natural soda.  Perhaps just that alone will induce you to join the SODA party and create a three-party system in our country. However, what should really convince you are my qualifications.
A Westerner looks East to the White House

My qualifications
I am not political plus I believe in God, the environment, and the quadratic formula. 

Virtually everyone can vote for me because I am multicultural and have a diverse family heritage: English, Irish, French, German, Danish, and Scottish.  My wife is Southern and I promise to wear Hawaiian shirts in the Oval Office.

Need more proof? I favorably reviewed the movies “Dances with Wolves” and “The Color Purple” and have mentioned them in my book (The Screenwriter’s Bible, available at  Plus, if elected, I promise not to blow up any countries in the world except maybe North Korea…and one country to be named later.
Get your campaign button today

Finally, if that is not enough, I speak Spanish: Hablo espaƱol, mis gran amigos. Por favor, votan por mi y siguen viviendo. (Translation: I speak Spanish, my great friends, Please vote for me and keep living.)